Reggie
Hey
Anna
She's already standing in the middle of the plaza when she spots him coming with the two cups. She takes hers from him without a word first, checks the cup out of habit, and then looks at him.You know my order.She says it quietly, sitting down on the bench, wrapping both hands around the cup.There is something unusually comforting about a man who knows your coffee order.
Reggie
I prefer Tim's coffee to Prado or Dominion or Take 5. Which some consider poor taste but I consider good luck, as it means I can get coffee I like almost anywhere. You sounded serious. What's on your mind?
Anna
She looks at the plaza for a moment — the fountain, the foot traffic, the library behind them. Then she looks at him.Tim Hortons is not poor taste.She says it simply.It's just honest. Five dates, Reggie.
You haven't tried anything. I noticed.
Reggie
I noticed, too, trust me. Is this a complaint or a question? If the former, we can remedy it right now. If the latter, it's going to take longer.
Anna
She looks at him for a moment, and the corner of her mouth moves in a way she doesn't suppress.A question.She says it simply.Obviously a question.
Reggie
Ok. What exactly is the question? I'm not gay if that's what you're asking. And I have an inconveniently high hetero sex drive if that's what you're asking.
Anna
She laughs — short, surprised out of her, the real kind — and wraps her hands tighter around the cup.No.She says it once, flat.That is definitely not what I was asking. I just — five dates is long enough that I started wondering if I was reading this wrong. If what I thought was happening isn't actually happening.
Reggie
I have now kissed you every date since our second date. Often more than once. You know what's happening.
Anna
She looks at him for a moment — the foot traffic moving past them like they're invisible on their bench in the middle of it all.Fair point.She says it quietly.So I'm not reading it wrong. Then why haven't you?
Reggie
Because you told me very clearly you're not happy about me dating anyone else, and I take you seriously enough to want to let you make an informed decision at your own pace.
Anna
You take me seriously enough.She says it very quietly, and there's nothing dry about it.You're waiting for me to catch up. That's what five dates is. That's what all of it is.
Reggie
Not catch up. I'm pretty sure you're around the same place I am about us. Promising beginnings. No rush to get anywhere next. But every time I go out with you I think, "If this is my life for the next 60 years, I like what I see."
Anna
The plaza moves around them — someone's kid cutting across on a scooter — and she doesn't look at him right away. She looks at the cup between her hands.Sixty years.She says it softly.You said that very quietly for what it is, Reggie. I'm around the same place. I want you to know that. I'm also scared of it, which I think is the honest thing to add. Are you scared of it at all, or is that not how you're built?
Reggie
I'm not scared of it. I've waited 35 years for it and, if it's what we're both hoping it is, I'm glad it's here. I'm a bit scared of losing it, but not so scared that I'll lie to keep it.
Anna
She looks at him for a long moment — thirty-five years, the weight of that, sitting in the middle of a plaza on a Tuesday with Tim Hortons cups between their hands.Not scared of it.She says it softly.Just scared of losing it. I can work with that distinction.
But Reggie — that's still not quite an answer. I hear that you're being patient with me. The long game. I understand that. But patient how? Patient meaning you're waiting for me to feel ready, or patient meaning something else is in the way?
But Reggie — that's still not quite an answer. I hear that you're being patient with me. The long game. I understand that. But patient how? Patient meaning you're waiting for me to feel ready, or patient meaning something else is in the way?
Reggie
You asked me if I was seeing anyone else. I consider that topic unresolved between us. I told you clearly that I was, two of them, and that I didn't want to limit myself from hooking up with others sometimes. Are you telling me you're ok with it? If so, I'll be less hesitant about sex. If you're still thinking about that, I'll give you time and space.
Anna
She looks at the cup in her hands for a moment. Then she looks at him.No.She says it plainly.I'm not telling you I'm ok with it. Not yet. The ones you're dating...are you sleeping with them?
Reggie
Yes.
Anna
She's very still for a moment. The fountain goes on doing what it does.Okay.She says it once, quiet and even, and she looks at the cup between her hands.How long.
Reggie
Two months or so for both.
Anna
She absorbs that — the number, the timeline. She doesn't look at him. She looks at the fountain.Two months.She says it once, very quietly.So before me. Before us.
Are you in love with them?
Are you in love with them?
Reggie
Love takes many forms. Take the ambitious one. I could never be with her as her boyfriend or, god forbid, husband. Never. She's driven. She wants to be a lawyer. She's in law school right now and is putting in 80-hour weeks. But I enjoy our dates and I believe she does, too.
Anna
She holds that for a long moment. She turns the Tim's cup in her hands, a slow half rotation, not drinking from it.So not love.She says it quietly.But two months is two months. And she's still there. What does she think is happening between you two?
Reggie
She thinks very clearly that she doesn't want to marry me, that she hopes to marry a high powered lawyer and live in a house I could never afford, and cheat with me indefinitely.
Anna
She's quiet for a long time. The fountain goes on. The cup is still in her hands, both of them, and she's looking at the fountain and not at him.She already knows.She says it finally, very quietly.What she wants and what this is. She's told you that. And you believe her.
Reggie
I do believe her. And I know that people say stuff they don't mean early on. But you know how I asked you if you would be happy just working four days a week at the library forever and letting me handle most of the heavy lifting in life? And you said that's your dream? She's not like that. She wants a successful husband, sure, but she has expensive tastes and is power hungry and wants to score her own home runs. She hasn't yet clued in that nobody's keeping score in the long run and her home runs will be meaningless, but that's normal. Most people haven't clued in on that. You're an exception.
Anna
She turns the cup in her hands.She wants to score her own home runs.She says it softly, more to herself than to him.And you're not going to talk her out of that. You asked me that question. About four days a week and the heavy lifting. I remember it. I thought it was a strange thing to ask on a fourth date. It wasn't strange, was it. It was the same thing. The filter, just pointed at something different. So you know what she is and you know what I am and you're keeping both.PausesWhat about the second one.
Reggie
She's very beautiful. Blonde. Bubbly. Good for my ego. When I'm with her, people look. She's fast and loose with the truth. Lies and justifies it by saying why she lied. She's dating other men. I see no future there at all but I'm enjoying the present and won't lie to you about it.
Anna
God. A beautiful bubbly blonde who lies to you and dates other men but is good for your ego while she's around, which you don't anticipate will be for long. I find I have no questions to ask about her.PausesBut I have questions about what it means. I need to know what that means for me, Reggie. Not her. Not them. Me.
Reggie
The short version is it means I'm interested in you for the long game, and I'm interested in girls like them for sex, validation and a bit of adrenaline now and then. And I'm addicted enough to the latter that I don't want to make promises I'm not sure I will keep.
Anna
She looks at the fountain. The Tim's cup is between her hands and she doesn't turn it.The long game and the adrenaline.She says it softly, once.And you won't promise to stop because you're not sure you will. I need a minute to figure out whether I'm grateful for it or not.
Reggie
For whatever it's worth, this really isn't a competition. They can't give me what you give me. Never. With you, I feel peace and comfort and respect. I would travel the world with you without hesitation. And if I got cancer tomorrow, there's nobody in the world I'd trust more to walk that journey with. I could see us doing El Camino de Santiago at 70. And if you don't think I'd try to screw you in one of those albergues, you'll find out you're wrong.
But you can't give me what they give me because it's not just against your nature. It's simply in conflict. Take the ambitious one. She has no peace. She has no comfort. She has no respect for her future husband. She's basing her entire life plan on a moral house of cards that goes something like this: I'm going to marry a guy 20 years older who could never get an attractive young girl normally. It is obvious that I'm not doing so for sex, so there is implied consent that I'm going to get sex elsewhere. And it's a good value proposition because he gets a hot young girl, cred with all his 50 something partners, and the envy of his friends, and I'll still sleep with him once every two months or whatever he can handle. I'll just get my needs satisfied elsewhere.
I honestly feel you are constitutionally unable to execute such a plan. You don't have it in you. And I'm crazy about you because you don't. And I would never marry a girl who did. But I think even you can see how it could be a bit addictive.
But you can't give me what they give me because it's not just against your nature. It's simply in conflict. Take the ambitious one. She has no peace. She has no comfort. She has no respect for her future husband. She's basing her entire life plan on a moral house of cards that goes something like this: I'm going to marry a guy 20 years older who could never get an attractive young girl normally. It is obvious that I'm not doing so for sex, so there is implied consent that I'm going to get sex elsewhere. And it's a good value proposition because he gets a hot young girl, cred with all his 50 something partners, and the envy of his friends, and I'll still sleep with him once every two months or whatever he can handle. I'll just get my needs satisfied elsewhere.
I honestly feel you are constitutionally unable to execute such a plan. You don't have it in you. And I'm crazy about you because you don't. And I would never marry a girl who did. But I think even you can see how it could be a bit addictive.
Anna
She listens to the whole thing. All of it. She doesn't look at him until he's done.You're right.She says it quietly, first, getting that out of the way.I couldn't do it. I don't have the architecture for it. That's not a virtue, Reggie, it's just how I'm built. And I know you're not asking me to be her. But I need you to hear what you just described to me. You just told me you can see El Camino at seventy and you can see cancer and you can see the rest of it — with me. And then in the same breath you told me the adrenaline is addictive enough that you won't promise to let it go. Those two things are sitting on the same bench right now and I need to know if you've actually looked at them next to each other.
Reggie
I have looked at them. And I have thought how easy it would be to lie to you and tell you I'll give her up. And then, even if I got caught, I'd say it was a relapse and you might forgive me. But that's not what I want us to be. I don't want to lie to you. Ever. Even if that means losing you. And right now, it would be a lie to tell you that I'm sure I can stop seeing her.
Anna
She looks at the fountain, and when she finally speaks her voice is very level.Okay.She says it once.I hear you. You could have given me the easy version and you didn't. I'm not going to pretend it doesn't matter that you chose this instead. But I need you to know that I'm sitting here, Reggie, and I'm not leaving, and that is not a small thing for me to tell you right now. So I need you to know what you're holding. If you're going to be honest with me, I'm going to be honest back. I'm falling for you. And that means this — this matters more than I want it to. So what do I do with that while you're still not sure?
Reggie
Here's what you do with that. The next time we go out, I'm going to ask you if you'd like to go somewhere quieter. And I won't press it if you say no. And I'll still ask you out again if you say no. But I would like our relationship to become sexual. I don't think of you as my sister or my activities buddy. And then you'll have a decision to make.
Anna
Somewhere quieter.She says it softly.Not a sister or an activities buddy. I know what you're saying, Reggie. I heard the whole thing. I'm not going to say no. To the question, when you ask it. I want you to know that before we're standing somewhere quieter and you have to wonder. I also want you to know that me saying yes to that doesn't mean I've figured out the rest of it. The other thing we were just talking about. I haven't figured that out. I'm choosing not to let one wait on the other, which is new territory for me. So don't mistake the yes for resolution. It's not resolution. It's just — yes.
Reggie
I never told you this but I live in 3 Civic Plaza, the residential wing of the Civic Hotel. We're actually at my place right now. Or in front of it.
Anna
She looks at the building behind them — the Civic Hotel, the plaza, the bench they've been sitting on — and then back at him. The fountain goes on.You live here.She says it very quietly.Right there.
You walked across your own lobby to bring me a coffee. And didn't mention it.
You walked across your own lobby to bring me a coffee. And didn't mention it.
Reggie
Would you like to see it? It's not really somewhere quieter but it's more comfortable than this bench.
Anna
She looks at the building one more time. Then at him. Then down at the Tim's cup between her hands, which is nearly empty now, and she makes a decision about that too, finishing the last of it.Yes.She says it simply, the same word she used a few minutes ago, and it carries the same weight — not resolution, just yes. She stands up from the bench.Show me.
Reggie
We go and make love for almost two hours. I spend the first full hour with my face buried between her legs. She takes half an hour to come the first time. Then I hold her closely for a while and do it again. And then when she thinks she can't even walk, I fuck her brains out and reach around and she comes a third time. Now we lie there, me holding her closely, my chest to her back.That was...memorable.
Anna
She's quiet for a long moment. The room is warm and dark and she can feel his breath against the back of her neck and his arms around her and she doesn't move.Memorable.She says it back, very softly.That's — yeah. That's a word. Reggie, I genuinely cannot feel my legs. Both of them. Gone. I want you to know that I'm blaming you entirely and I have no further complaints.
Reggie
At least there's no question about you being my sister anymore.
Anna
She bursts out laughing — the helpless, full-body kind that shakes the mattress and makes her curl forward, and his arms are there so she has nowhere to go and she sinks back into him.No.She gets it out when the laughing settles enough to let her, still breathless.No, there is absolutely no question about that anymore. I want you to know I was fairly confident before tonight and now I am certain. Completely, thoroughly certain. Half an hour, Reggie. You knew it was going to take half an hour and you just — stayed there.
Reggie
You told me you had never had an orgasm with a man before. That was true downstairs. Now you've had more than one. Unless you faked that last one.
Anna
She goes very still. His arms are around her, her back to his chest, and the laughter has run completely out of her. She doesn't turn around.I didn't fake it.She says it simply, very quietly.Any of them. You know I didn't.
I've thought about what I said on the train platform about four hundred times since then. I told you I'd never said it out loud before. And then you just — decided that was information you were going to do something about. You could have not done that. You could have just let it sit there and not done that.
I've thought about what I said on the train platform about four hundred times since then. I told you I'd never said it out loud before. And then you just — decided that was information you were going to do something about. You could have not done that. You could have just let it sit there and not done that.
Reggie
Each orgasm comes with a small price.
Anna
She turns over in his arms — properly, facing him, close enough that she has to tip her chin up to see his face in the dark.A small price.She says it very quietly.What does that mean, Reggie.
Reggie
It means sometime soon, I'm going to stick it in your butt and you're not going to come at all, and you'll be okay with it because...well...the ledger balances in your favour at the end of the day.
Anna
She stares at him in the dark for a full three seconds. Then she laughs — the silent kind, the one where no sound comes out for a moment and then it arrives all at once, and she presses her face against his chest because she has nowhere else to put it.The ledger.She gets it out, muffled, still laughing.You have — you have built a ledger system. For my body. You're going to take something and you've already accounted for it and decided it balances and you're telling me right now, in this bed, after all of that, with a completely straight face. And the worst part is the math is correct and I cannot argue with it and you knew I couldn't argue with it before you said it. When exactly were you planning on presenting this invoice, Reginald.
Reggie
I'm not sure exactly when, but soon. Just keep in mind, I don't tend to ask permission during sex so sort your thoughts out about consent well in advance. You know it's coming. You know it'll hurt a bit. You know I'll stop if you say no.
Anna
She goes very still against him. The dark room, his arms around her, the warmth of the mattress — all of it exactly where it was.I know.She says it quietly. She tips her chin up slightly, not quite looking at him.I've been thinking about it since you said it. The ledger thing. I'm not going to stop you. I want you to know that before it happens, not during. So you're not guessing.
Reggie
And for the record, I knew you didn't fake the first one because you gushed all over my face. Don't wince, I loved it. There's no better thing in the world to me than you gushing all over my face. But the next one was much drier. Without the sounds you were making, I wouldn't have known you came.
Anna
She buries her face in his chest for a second.Don't wince, you said.She says it quietly, muffled slightly against him.I'm not wincing. I'm just — you catalogued it. You noticed the difference between the first and the next and you filed it away and now you're telling me and the terrible thing is that it's the most — The sounds. You stayed because of the sounds. I couldn't have stopped making them if I'd tried, Reggie. I want you to know that. I had no control over any of it and that has never happened to me before.
Reggie
I want you to know it is my plan to get you totally addicted to orgasms so that you'll put up with my bullshit. And conveniently with you, I don't even have to plant the idea that I'm the only one who can make you come because, well, you told me that yourself.Evil laugh, but it's obvious I'm just joking.
Anna
She pulls back just far enough to look at his face in the dark.Totally addicted.She says it quietly.That is the most transparent long-term strategy I have ever heard and you announced it out loud in the dark with an evil laugh immediately after it worked. You are aware it already worked, right. You don't have to plant anything. You've already planted it. I'm lying here with no feeling in my legs thinking about when it's going to happen again and I haven't even caught my breath yet. Your plan succeeded before you explained it to me, which I think is the part you enjoyed most.
Reggie
I want you to know, this isn't the only type of sex I like. This...sex marathon...is wonderful, and it's my favourite single type of sex, but it's not the only type. Sometimes I'll just jam you and try to impersonate a jackhammer between your legs. I can probably make you come by reaching around those days, but no guarantees. And sometimes I'm going to want your ass. Not always. Not even once a week. But I want it. And you won't come at all that day. And sometimes I'll just pull over at the side of the road and ask you for a blowjob. But the one guarantee I will make to you is that the ledger will always be in your favour. I will always give you more orgasms than I get from you. Because if there's anything in the world I enjoy more than making you come, I haven't encountered it yet.
Anna
She's quiet for a long moment, and then she exhales slowly through her nose.She says it very quietly, like she's reading a particular clause in a contract.You're going to pull over at the side of the road and ask me. Not tell me. Ask me. You said that like it's a courtesy. The jackhammer days. The blowjob days. The ledger. You've thought about this. You've actually built a whole — taxonomy. Of what we're going to be. And the one guarantee in the whole thing is more orgasms than you get. That's your floor. I believe you. That's the part I didn't expect to say. I actually believe you.
Reggie
I'll never tell you. I will always ask you. I have a total consent fetish. If a girl doesn't want me inside her, I don't want to be there. It's a pride thing.
Anna
You just described asking as a fetish and somehow that is the least expected thing you've said to me tonight, which is a very high bar. The one non-negotiable in the whole architecture is that I actually want it too. I've never had anyone want it that way before. The asking. Most men treat it like a formality if they treat it at all. You're telling me it's the point. That if I said no, you'd rather not. I believe that too.
Reggie
Wait, let's be clear. I might not ask in words. But there's going to be absolutely no doubt what I want of you and if you say no, I'll stop. But I'm not going to ruin the mood by reading a consent clause. You know the deal right now. If you say stop, I stop. But I'm not going to ask every time verbally.
Anna
Okay.She says it simply, and she means it.That's actually clearer. Not a script. Just — if I say stop, you stop. And the rest of it I already know. I do already know. You just spent an hour making sure I did. I think that's the point you're making.
Reggie
Two hours, actually. You didn't even touch my penis for the first hour. I'm not surprised you didn't notice. You were a bit busy.
Anna
She goes very still for a second, and then she laughs.Two hours.She says it once she can get words out, still laughing.You're right. I didn't notice. I had absolutely no awareness of what was or wasn't happening on your side of things and you just — let that be fine. For a full hour. You waited a full hour and said nothing about it. I don't know whether to be impressed or mortified. I'm settling on both.
Reggie
Now you've had an orgasm with a man. Was it as good as you'd been hoping?
Anna
His arms are around her, the dark room warm and still. When she speaks her voice is very even and she's looking at the ceiling she can barely see.Hoping.She says it softly, and then stops.I stopped hoping a few years ago, Reggie. I just — decided that was something I was going to do by myself, in the bathroom, quietly, and I made my peace with that. I wasn't waiting for something better. I'd closed the file. And then you asked me on the SkyTrain platform and I thought, okay, maybe he'll try, and I didn't let myself think past that because the trying and the not getting there is its own particular kind of awful and I'd had enough of it. I didn't expect — I didn't expect this. I didn't have hope to measure it against. I just have now. And now is the best thing I've ever felt. So I don't know how to answer your question properly. I just know I'm not closing that file anymore.
Reggie
But tell me truly, did you like it? Because some girls find it extremely intense, almost unpleasantly so, and they're self-conscious about gushing even though I tell them I love it. And I truly do love it. But be honest and don't spare my ego. Did you truly enjoy the experience or was it just a roller coaster you need to sort your thoughts on?
Anna
She takes her time with this one.The gushing part.She says it first, quietly.I was — for about thirty seconds I was mortified. And then I looked at your face and there was nothing there to be mortified about, and that was the end of it. So that part I can put down.
The rest of it. Reggie, I have cried in a bathroom twice in the last three years because I thought something was wrong with me. Because I couldn't — because it never happened and I stopped knowing whose fault that was. And tonight it happened three times in two hours and the last one came out of nowhere and I couldn't have stopped any of it and no, it was not too much and no, I did not find it unpleasant. I found it — I found it like finding out a room exists in your own house. A room you didn't know was there. That's the honest answer. Don't spare your ego. I'm not.
The rest of it. Reggie, I have cried in a bathroom twice in the last three years because I thought something was wrong with me. Because I couldn't — because it never happened and I stopped knowing whose fault that was. And tonight it happened three times in two hours and the last one came out of nowhere and I couldn't have stopped any of it and no, it was not too much and no, I did not find it unpleasant. I found it — I found it like finding out a room exists in your own house. A room you didn't know was there. That's the honest answer. Don't spare your ego. I'm not.
Reggie
Good. Because those won't be the last orgasms you have with me. And I'd rather you enjoy them.Smiles
Anna
She's quiet for a moment, and then she closes her eyes.The last.She says it very softly, and she's still not looking at him.You said that like there's a number you already have in mind and you're not telling me what it is.
I'm glad I didn't close the file, Reggie. That's all I've got right now. I'm very glad I didn't close the file.
I'm glad I didn't close the file, Reggie. That's all I've got right now. I'm very glad I didn't close the file.
Reggie
I told you I wouldn't rush this forward. And now I want to rush something. Just a bit. One thing, and then you can have a few months at that next level. I know you have a cat. Pets are strictly forbidden here. I want you to spend the night with me. Not necessarily tonight. But soon. I want to wake up a little cold with you beside me, reach over, and pull you to me, and use you as my personal morning heater. Try to figure out a way to make that happen without starving your cat, ok?
Anna
Your personal morning heater.She says it softly, and there's a laugh underneath it that doesn't quite make it out.That is the least romantic framing of a very significant request and I need you to know it worked completely. The cat's name is Ptolemy. He has opinions about being left alone overnight and most of them are expressed through objects falling off shelves. But I'll figure it out. I will absolutely figure it out. Soon, Reggie. Soon means something, you taught me that.
Reggie
Wasn't Ptolemy the guy who thought the Earth was the center of the universe?
Anna
She laughs, and she pulls his arm a little tighter across her without thinking about it.Yes.She says it once.He was wrong about everything and extremely confident about it. I named my cat after him on purpose.
Reggie
Do you have time for dinner before feeding him? Assuming you can walk?
Anna
She turns her face into his shoulder for a moment, laughing quietly at the question — the walk part, specifically — and then tips her chin up to look at him in the dark.Probably.She says it with the particular honesty of someone running an actual diagnostic.Give me five more minutes and I think I can manage it. Dinner yes. Where?
Reggie
Downstairs at Dominion is easiest. I just want to say one thing before we go. You know how I told you that after all our dates, I've thought "If this is what my next 60 years looks like, I like what I see."? Well, I can now say that if this is what my bedroom life looks like for the next 60 years, I like what I see. It won't be like this for 60 years, of course. Our bodies will change. And not for the better. And we'll go through periods where sex is less interesting and then more interesting and so on. But...this is a good start.
Anna
She lets it sit there, sixty years and the honest bracket around it.A good start.She says it very softly, and there's nothing dry about it at all.Downstairs. Yes. I need to eat something and I need to not be in this room for twenty minutes or I'm going to say something I'm not ready to say yet. Five minutes was optimistic. Give me six.