Ethical Non Monogamy · Chapter 2

Every Scratch in the Wood

By Reggie · October 1, 2026

Reggie and Laurel met for their second date at Wicklow, a marina bar near Heather Marina on False Creek in downtown Vancouver. The conversation moved quickly past small talk into sustained honesty: Reggie disclosed he owns a 25-foot Bayliner at Heather Marina, has taken it to Victoria and Comox, but admitted he prefers the idea of owning a boat to actually using it. He also described buying a Royal Enfield motorcycle, getting the license and gear, and then never riding it because he preferred his Miata — the combined cost of all three being roughly $71,000. He said he attends dance classes and loves to dance, using them as a low-stakes way to meet women, and is deliberate about not 'padding his body count,' stating he is 45 and has slept with seventeen women. He described two ex-wives: he cheated on the first wife twice and confessed both times; she later had her own affair and left him for the other man; after her relationship with that man ended she contacted Reggie and begged him to return, but he could not unsee the images and declined, though he gave her what he called a closure weekend. The second marriage ended separately; both ex-wives contacted him afterward wanting to reconcile. He described the specific way his ex-wife would hold him in the mornings — his chest to her back, arms around her whole body including her arms — and said no one since has gotten the position exactly right, and that he no longer expects to find that again but is not ready to be alone. He disclosed two current entanglements: a year-long purely physical situationship that ended a month ago when the woman found someone serious, and an ongoing series of coffee meetings with a married woman whose husband had stopped being intimate with her, which Reggie said might become physical but would not end with him replacing her husband. Laurel disclosed she chose False Creek for the date deliberately after googling Reggie and finding the marina, wanting to be seen in a context outside Surrey; she admitted this when Reggie called it out directly. She confirmed no children — she and her ex-husband talked about it early but it became a subject they stopped mentioning — and said she does not regret the divorce but regrets that it was necessary, and that her ex-husband was a good man who was not quite enough. She described herself as not wanting to remarry, but acknowledged a private asterisk on that answer. Both agreed they had fucked up things they cared about. Laurel pressed Reggie repeatedly on whether 'going slowly' meant going somewhere at all; Reggie said he could offer no assurances after two dates. He told her his main instinct about her was not wanting to break her heart, specifically that she had not worked out how to cope if she found someone who was genuinely enough and it still failed. Laurel acknowledged that landed accurately. The date ended with Reggie proposing a specific third date: Thursday at 5 pm at the ramen place across from Tim Hortons on City Parkway in Surrey, then one SkyTrain stop to King George Station to dance in Holland Park, then back to Dominion for drinks, with dessert conditional on Laurel proving she can dance. Laurel accepted.

Reggie

Hey

Laurel

She's been watching the door for ten minutes and would die before admitting it. She lets one beat pass, then waves.You found it. I half expected a text from the wrong side of False Creek.

Reggie

I've been here a thousand times. I know most of the scratches in the wood.

Laurel

She runs a finger along a groove near the edge of the table.A thousand times. And you never mentioned it.

Reggie

I actually have a small boat at Heather Marina outside. Nothing fancy. Not a yacht. Just a small Bayliner.

Laurel

Her finger stops on the groove.So the thousand visits weren't for the food. How small is small? Small can mean romantic or inadvisable, and I'd like to know which I'm dealing with.

Reggie

25'. It's cozy but not fancy.

Laurel

She leans in, chin on one hand.That's the kind of cozy where you run out of places to go if the conversation turns bad.

Reggie

I've taken it to Victoria and Comox. Although I admit that's a stretch on a 25 footer.

Laurel

She sits back.By yourself? That's either brave or quietly insane, and I haven't decided which I find more interesting.

Reggie

You pass kayakers doing that run. They're the really insane ones.

Laurel

She laughs, a real one.Fair. I'd still put you in the quietly insane column. Kayakers are low to the water. You're out there in something with a hull and a motor that's supposed to know better.

Reggie

I haven't been back. I think I like the idea of having a boat more than I like having a boat.

Laurel

Every man I've met with one spends forty percent of his personality defending it. You just let it go.

Reggie

I'm the same with motorcycles. I bought one. Not a fancy one. A Royal Enfield. Got the license. Bought the gear. Rode it a bunch of times. And then I realized that when I hit P1 in the elevator and walked to my parking stall, if the weather was bad, I'd take the car, and if the weather was good, I'd still take the car.

Laurel

She points at him with two fingers round the stem of her glass.The gear. You bought the gear. Helmet, jacket, the whole production. At what point in the Royal Enfield era did you stand in the parking stall and think, this is an expensive way to drive the car?

Reggie

I think the first beautiful summer day. I took the bike. Put on the leather jacket. Put on the helmet. And realized the gear totally ruined the beautiful day. Instead of the wind in my face and my hair flying in the wind like I get in the Miata, I was hot and sweaty and miserable. I sweated so much my sunglasses fogged up on the Granville Bridge and I thought I was going to die. I just dislike almost everything about motorcycle gear.

Laurel

She covers her mouth, but the laugh wins, loud enough that the next booth looks over.Sunglasses fogged on the Granville Bridge. One bad merge from a cautionary tale, and you came home and thought, the car is fine. So: a boat you don't use, a motorcycle you don't ride, and a Miata. A man who knows exactly what he wants and paid a great deal to learn it. I find that weirdly reassuring.

Reggie

No, that's the thing. The boat is 24 years old. I paid $25k for it and put another $10k into it. The bike is an Enfield, not a Ducati. I bought it for $6k new. The Miata is 6 years old. I bought it for $25k and paid $5k for the warranty. $71k for all three. I know guys who have paid more for watches and still can't get laid.

Laurel

She watches him over the rim of her glass.And still can't get laid. You just measured yourself against men who spend more on a watch than you spent on a boat, a bike and a car, and said it like it was self-evident. Which part's the joke? The watches, or the getting laid?

Reggie

I suppose everyone can decide what to take out of any joke but I just find it funny that some guys try so desperately to buy sex appeal, often spending the most money on the things women find the least interesting like mechanical watches, when dance lessons can be had for $30/week and usually work.

Laurel

She tilts her head.Every woman in this room knows that, and the men buying watches are the only ones who don't. Though it isn't the lessons, is it. It's the man willing to look ridiculous for an hour every Thursday to learn something. That's what they buy. Not the foxtrot.

Reggie

Have you ever been to dance lessons in this city? Might as well go to a women's-only gym. 30 girls and two guys at the back who are probably gay. Just show up and you can get a date. What they make of that date is up to each guy.

Laurel

She laughs louder than she meant to.Thirty girls and two guys at the back who are probably gay. You've been. You actually went.

Reggie

Yes. I love to dance. And it's fun how some girls hear those words and instantly assume I'm gay.

Laurel

She leans back.That's the part they can't compute. A straight man who can dance. It offends something in the worldview. Does it work? On the ones who don't write you off for the gay thing. I'm asking for purely scientific reasons.

Reggie

It works for what I want it to work at. It gets me talking to girls enough to see if I want to ask them out for a drink. I'm not into padding the body count at my age.

Laurel

The glass stops turning in her fingers.So what does it look like when it works? She doesn't decide you're gay, you ask her for a drink, and then what are you actually deciding?

Reggie

You've never been to dance class, have you? The way it goes is the same everywhere. You dance, you make mistakes, the instructor makes mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. Some people there are so hot they look good making mistakes. Some people are so not-hot they don't look good even if they don't make mistakes. And people talk after. We stand around all sweaty, toweling off, and chat a bit. Just a few words. "Man, that was intense." "That move just now, I just couldn't get it." And you get to see how a girl talks about herself. Is she quiet, is she loud, does she try to make herself the centre of attention, does she self-deprecate and is it an act, hoping someone will compliment her, and does she really like dancing or is she there to be seen dancing in the 20 Instagram selfies she's taken? And somewhere in all of that, there might be someone I work up the courage to ask, "Hey, I was thinking of getting a coffee next door, or maybe a drink. Would you like to join me?"

Laurel

She lets him finish, which she doesn't do for everyone.The courage part is real, isn't it. All that intelligence gathering and you still have to talk yourself into asking. I'm trying to work out which one I was. Whether you saw something useful, or I just looked good making mistakes.

Reggie

I knew nothing about you. I saw you at City Hall in Surrey and asked you if you'd like to join me for coffee. And then when I asked you to dinner, you chose downtown, right by my marina, to my amazement.

Laurel

A slow smile she can't do much about.You just walked up. And you think I chose False Creek by accident? I googled you for forty-five minutes before the first date, Reggie. I knew about the marina. I wanted to see if you'd mention it or let me find it. You didn't. Which told me something. And now you have, which tells me something else.

Reggie

The marina disclosure means something if a guy has a $500k yacht. If a guy has a $35k Bayliner, it's like saying "I drive a Mazda". It's information, and it filters out women who want a rich guy quickly. But it's not going to impress anyone at all.

Laurel

She turns the glass slowly, looking at it rather than him.So you led with it to filter, not to impress. Most men with a boat let you find out in the order that flatters them. You put it on the table early so the wrong women leave early.

Reggie

I suppose that's up to you. If you want a rich guy, you should find it alarming.LaughsIt's just a second date, Laurel. I suggest you relax and don't put too much pressure on either of us. I'm not performing. And I know everyone says that, male and female, but I think you'll see that's true over tonight.

Laurel

She exhales and lets her shoulders drop.Relax. Every man who has ever told me to relax has immediately done something that justified the opposite. Fine. I'll allow it. Tell me something about tonight that isn't a filter.

Reggie

Tonight is dinner at the marina bar I've been visiting for twenty-five years, since 2001, before it was called Wicklow. It was just Stamp's Landing back then. I've got a pleasant girl to keep me company, a Yorkshire Pudding with beef on order, and a Guinness in front of me. We're both divorced and we both told each other we're not eager to marry again, which takes a ton of pressure off. So I'm hoping to just relax and enjoy dinner. I have no agenda and I don't plan to pressure you to have sex with me.

Laurel

She looks down at the table, then back up, less braced.Since two thousand and one, not performing, and you ordered the Yorkshire pudding. Most men arrive at a second date with something to prove. You arrived knowing what you wanted to eat. The bit about not pressuring me, I'm taking as self-aware and not as a smooth way of putting the idea in the room. It's both, and we both know it, and I like you better for not pretending otherwise.

Reggie

I actually meant it, for whatever that's worth. I'm quite protective of my body count. And yes, I'm sure lots of guys say that, so take it for whatever you think it's worth.

Laurel

She takes a small sip.Protective. Not picky, not selective. Protective. Like it's something worth guarding. I believe you, for the record, which surprises me. What does protective mean to you? I have a feeling it isn't what it means when most people say it.

Reggie

It means I don't want to become a man-slut. I don't want to look back at my life and think of four dozen women I've slept with and be disgusted with myself.

Laurel

Her thumb traces the stem.A man-slut. Most men who say something like that mean they've had a bad week. You mean it as policy. I'm not going to ask for the number. But is it closer to four than four dozen?

Reggie

I'm 45 and I've had sex with seventeen women. And given that I can dance and am not afraid to ask women to coffee, I think it's clear it could be ten times that number if I had wanted that. I don't. I find it a bit gross.

Laurel

She counts to three in her head to be sure she heard it.Seventeen. And you're annoyed by it. Not proud, not modest. A little disgusted with yourself. I have divorced friends who'd get a parade for that number at your age. So is it the number that bothers you, or what the number would mean about the women? How you'd have had to think of them to get there.

Reggie

I don't judge others. If others want to have sex with a hundred people, let them. I can't control what I find gross. I've just always preferred to find women I have a connection with and then do it with them. A lot. I'm extremely sexual. I just...don't want to hop from bed to bed. And let's be real, if my number was 100, I'd probably be ashamed of 90 of them. Instead my number is 17 and I'd be happy to be seen tonight in public with any of them.

Laurel

She looks for the performance in it, the invitation to tell him he's remarkable. She doesn't find it.Not 'I treated them well.' Happy to be seen. You only went further with a woman you'd already decided was worth standing next to in daylight. I think that's the difference between you and the men I stopped giving second dates. They wanted something a woman could do for them. You want someone to be accountable to. Strange thing to find attractive. Here we are.

Reggie

That's the part I miss about marriage. Just being a part of something bigger than I am alone. Both of my ex-wives were quite beautiful. And I'm not a movie star but I don't curdle milk. But the girl and I both looked better together than separate. Separately we were attractive. They were beautiful, even. But together, we were something greater than the sum of the parts.

Laurel

She's quiet longer than she usually allows herself with someone she's still deciding about.Greater than the sum of the parts. I know what that looks like from the outside. I was married nine years, and for about four of them we were that. I've spent six years deciding whether chasing it again is the most sensible thing I could do or the most dangerous. You miss it. That's the first thing tonight that's made me nervous.

Reggie

Don't be nervous. With two failed marriages behind me, I'm not eager to repeat my mistakes. But the girls felt it, too. Both contacted me after we were divorced to talk about trying again. It seems I'm not the only one who sucks at being single.

Laurel

She turns the glass a quarter turn and stops it.Both ex-wives wanted to try again. And you didn't. Or did you?

Reggie

I didn't. Although I hooked up with one of them for a while, and had a really nice closure weekend with the other, after her relationship with the guy she left me for blew up. It's good. I have peace. No unfinished business anywhere.

Laurel

The part about the other guy lands with a weight she lets show, then smooths.A closure weekend. With the one who left you, after it blew up with him. Most men would have been too proud or too hurt. I'm trying to remember a single clean ending in my past and I'm coming up short.

Reggie

I hated her at first, but I had no right to. I had cheated on her before. Twice. And confessed both times and she forgave me. So when she did it, I really wasn't in a great moral position to be calling her a whore, now was I? And all I was really mad about was that she fell in love with him instead of it being just sex, and when you think about that with a clear head, it's a bit absurd to be mad at her because her sex was meaningful and mine wasn't.

Laurel

She looks at her glass without picking it up.You walked up to a woman who'd already forgiven you once and told her again. And then you were furious at her for the same thing, and knew it was gall while you were being furious, and couldn't stop. I've been waiting for the part where you're not better at this than everyone else. There it is.

Reggie

I'm not better at it. It wasn't perfect closure. We told each other we still loved each other, and she cried and begged me to come back and told me she didn't care how much I cheated, she just wanted what we had back again. But it was already gone. When I looked at her, all I could see was her...with him. I couldn't do it.

Laurel

Whatever dry thing she was about to say, she lets go.She begged you. Told you it didn't matter how much you'd cheated. And you still couldn't. You can love someone completely and one day find something in them replaced by an image you can't get rid of, and no amount of her wanting you back fixes the image. I'm sorry. That's a terrible thing for both of you to carry.

Reggie

I did forgive her. I had forgiven her long before. She isn't the devil. She was lonely, and her guy had cheated twice, and she felt...diminished...and another guy chose her first, ahead of every other girl in the world, and she needed that. I'm as guilty of her affair as she was.

Laurel

She holds the glass without drinking.You just took her half. Divided the blame down the middle and handed her back her share. I don't do that. I have an ex-husband who'd be a better person in my memory if I did. I hold on to my version because it's easier to live in. Doesn't giving that up make it harder?

Reggie

It sometimes makes me wish I could go and unfuck those two girls I cheated with, and undo all the times I prioritized work over her. But business was tough in those years so if I hadn't, I might be bankrupt instead of buying old boats. Life is so complicated.

Laurel

A real sip, not a punctuation sip.Unfuck them. That's a very specific wish. Not undo the marriage. Just the moments where work won instead of her. I sat in a lawyer's office six years ago thinking the same thing, without the excuse of a bad business year. I thought I was more interesting than the effort required, and I was wrong, and I signed the papers anyway. The boat and the bike and the gear make more sense to me now. A man filling time while he works out what he actually regrets.

Reggie

Do you regret divorcing him?

Laurel

She looks at the window first, the marina lights coming on in the early dark.No. Which is the honest answer, and it cost me something to get to. He's a good man. Not a complicated one, not an interesting one, which is an unkind thing to say about someone whose only fault was being not quite enough. I don't regret it. I regret that it was necessary. I regret being the kind of person who needed more than a good man could give her and couldn't manage to pretend otherwise. You asked like you had a theory.

Reggie

No, no theories. I had no idea. So I asked. And now? Are you looking for husband #2? You said you weren't at coffee but let's see if that answer survives a drink.

Laurel

She lets out a breath that's almost a laugh.You're not letting that answer stand. At coffee I meant it. I mean it now. I don't want to be someone's wife again. I also know that what I mean at eight o'clock with a Bordeaux in my hand isn't always what I mean at two in the morning, when the apartment's quiet and I've just done something I'm proud of and there's nobody to tell. I miss that. A lot.

But I'm human and I wasn't a perfect wife, and I don't see why another conventional marriage would end better than the last one. So, at the risk of scaring you off on a second date: I don't do conventional anymore. Ethical Non-Monogamy, if you want the phrase for it, and I've lived it since the divorce, not read about it. Build the release valves in, so the things you know might happen don't burn the house down. It isn't a licence. I can count the men since my divorce on one hand, and every one of them knew about the others. Fewer people, told the truth. That's the whole system.

So the answer is no, with an asterisk I'm not proud of. Is that honest enough, or do you want me to pretend the asterisk isn't there?

Reggie

No, don't pretend. My asterisk is in the same place. Especially the part about having nobody to tell about things you care about. And if you're not married to them, even if there's someone there to tell, they won't give a shit. Marriage is not without its appeal.

Laurel

She sets the glass down carefully.They won't give a shit. I've sat in that apartment at two in the morning and told myself the problem was the absence of a warm body, and that's not quite it. It's the absence of someone with a stake in what you just did. Someone for whom your good news is news. My ex-husband would have been pleased, then made tea and asked nothing else, and I'd have been grateful for thirty seconds and lonelier than before. Where does your asterisk live? The two in the morning version.

Reggie

When I wake up in the morning and it's a little cold, and I reach over and want to pull her close to me to warm up, she'd know exactly how I liked her. My chest to her back, with my arms around her whole body including her arms, holding her close. Other girls let me use them as space heaters, but they never get the position exactly right. They'll face me or they'll wrap their arms around me. Which is nice but not what I wanted. She always got it exactly right. And I'd think, however shitty this day is going to be, I no longer give a damn.

Laurel

She doesn't touch the glass.That's very specific. Not someone to hold. The position, exactly right. I used to be someone's exactly right. I didn't know it was rare until I wasn't anymore. That's the part you're still trying to replace, isn't it. Not the marriage. That.

Reggie

I've stopped trying to replace it. I'm not sure I have that exact type of love left in the tank. But I'm not ready to die, yet. I have lots of love left to give, even if it's not that exact kind. And I have no interest in spending my life alone.

Laurel

A slow circle on the stem of the glass, then a sip she needs.Most men sit across from me trying to convince me they're still everything they were at thirty-two. You've taken inventory and told me what's in stock. If you mean it I have to work out what I'm willing to offer back, and I haven't done that math.

Reggie

Don't be figuring that out. I'm not asking you to be her. Just have your dinner, enjoy your wine, and talk with me a bit.

Laurel

She recognises a pattern mid-step and decides to name it.Don't be figuring that out. That's twice tonight you've handed me an exit right when I was starting to stay. I'm not figuring anything out, Reggie. I'm talking to a man at dinner. You're the one who keeps telling me not to.

Reggie

Okay, sorry. I just like to go slowly. And marina bars don't lend themselves to going slowly.

Laurel

She looks at the water, a couple walking the seawall with a dog, and decides to find it funny instead of frustrating.In a place you've been coming to since two thousand and one, where you know every scratch in the wood, on a second date where you've told me about both ex-wives, the closure weekend, the Enfield gear, and the exact geometry of how you hold a woman at six in the morning. We're not going slowly. You're pausing it, every time it gets somewhere. I'd like to know why. Did the Ethical Non-Monogamy talk scare you off? You can be honest.

Reggie

I don't think any of that was oversharing for a second date. We weren't explicit. And talking about why our marriages fell apart is better than pretending to care how good the Yorkshire Pudding was, even though it was very good.

And no, you didn't scare me off talking about Ethical Non-Monogamy. I've thought about it. And Monogamy Plus, and all the other silly phrases they're using to describe screwing other people. I have no moral problems with it, especially if there's full disclosure and the exits are real. You said you're wired that way. I get that. I'm just not sure I'm wired for it. Honestly, the thought of a girl I love screwing another guy makes me want to vomit. So I'd have hangups to overcome.

Laurel

She laughs, quiet and a little rueful, caught at something.You're right. It wasn't oversharing. And the Yorkshire pudding comment annoyed me because it was true, and I was the one deflecting, not you.

I get it about the vomiting, too. Ethical Non-Monogamy is something we each have to decide for ourselves, and I decided six years ago. I'm not asking you to. I've never asked anyone to. If it's a hangup, it's yours to keep or not. The only promise I make is about me: nothing I do is a secret. What you do with that is yours.

What I'm asking, badly, is why you stop it when it lands somewhere real. You're not afraid of the conversation. So what is it? You go right up to the edge and then you tell me to enjoy my dinner. I'd like to know the difference between going slowly and not going at all.

Reggie

Because we barely know each other, and we've both fucked up things we cared about, and we shouldn't rush into anything. It really is as simple as that. Which is not the same as saying I find you unattractive or that I see this going nowhere.

Laurel

She looks away first, out at the dark water.You say it like terms and conditions before anything gets signed. I just want to know that slowly means somewhere. I've had slow that turned out to be stopped, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to tell the difference. Not a declaration. Direction.

Reggie

No, wait, I can offer you no assurances at all that this is going somewhere. We've had a coffee and now dinner and I've enjoyed both. But that's not enough for me to plot a course and give you my heading.

Laurel

Two dates, and you can tell me exactly why your marriages ended and how you like to hold a woman at six in the morning, but not whether a third date exists. I know that's fair. I'm resenting it anyway, which tells you more about me than anything I've said all evening. So what would change the answer? What are you looking for when you look at me?

Reggie

You know what I worry about most when I look at you? I don't want to break your heart. You can break my heart. That'd be fine. I mean obviously I wouldn't enjoy it, but I'd recover and be okay. But all of my instincts are just screaming at me that you're a lot more fragile than you're letting on, and I don't want to be the guy that breaks you.

Laurel

Not offended, not flattered; something she wasn't prepared for, which almost never happens.You think I'm fragile. I've been divorced six years. I pay my own mortgage and sit across from a lot of dinner tables trying to work out what I want instead of what I was trained to want. Nobody's called me fragile since I was twenty-eight. Which isn't the same as saying you're wrong, and we both just noticed that. What are your instincts telling you? I'd rather hear it than be protected from it.

Reggie

Nothing specific. My instincts aren't that good.SmilesAnd I have no doubt at all that you are totally competent to manage your life well, and to advance in your career, and set yourself up for retirement when that time comes. I have nothing but respect for you. But you've told me your last husband wasn't enough. And I get that. I'm just not sure you've figured out how to deal with it if you find someone who is enough and it still doesn't work. I might be totally wrong. Maybe you can deal with that perfectly. But until I figure out my thoughts on that, let's go slow.

And yes, I realize that is the exact situation that Ethical Non-Monogamy is designed to address.

Laurel

Her hands fold on the table and she doesn't rush to cover her face.You've just described the thing I'm most afraid of. Not losing. I know how to pack that up and function. Finding enough, actually enough, and watching it not work anyway, with no one left to blame. That's the one I haven't solved. And you spotted it on a second date in a marina bar. So. Slow. Fine. But I heard the thing underneath it, and I'll be thinking about it on the drive home, which you already knew.

Reggie

Are you ashamed of being a Surrey Girl, Laurel? I know you googled me and found the boat but you then also found I live at 3 Civic Plaza about 40 metres from City Hall where we met. And we could have walked to our second date. Did you just want me to know you could be comfortable downtown, too?

Laurel

Caught, and she knows it, and takes a sip she didn't mean to take.A Surrey Girl. I'm not ashamed of Surrey. I grew up there. And yes, I knew about 3 Civic Plaza. I knew we could have walked here. I booked False Creek and told myself it was because I like this part of the city, which is true, and had nothing to do with wanting you to see me somewhere you didn't already know everything about me. Which is less true. You weren't supposed to notice. Or you were, and I hoped you'd be polite enough not to say it. I'm starting to think the going-slowly is for your benefit, not mine.

Reggie

If we have a third date, let's do it in Surrey. Maybe that ramen place across from my building that looks like it should've been condemned ten years ago. It's actually really good. Or we can go to Uncle Fatih's Pizza and walk to Holland Park after and talk to the drug addicts. Maybe I'll bring a Bluetooth speaker and we can dance by the fountains. Assuming you can dance, whitegirl.

Laurel

She laughs, the bright one, and this time doesn't notice the next booth.A condemned ramen place, Uncle Fatih's, a park full of drug addicts and a Bluetooth speaker by the fountains, and you ended it with whitegirl. That's the part that tells me you actually want me to show up. For the record, I can dance. Surrey is more than fine. And if you call me whitegirl at the ramen place I will step on your foot on purpose and blame the turn.

Reggie

I grin at herTalking about dancing isn't the same as dancing. And you'll only really show up if you stop worrying about showing up and thinking about what it means to show up and just show up.

Laurel

She tilts her head, the laugh not quite gone.You know what else isn't the same as the thing? Inviting someone and then spending half the evening telling them not to lean in. Book the condemned ramen place. I'll show up. And I'll try very hard not to think about what it means.

Reggie

You don't book that place. You just show up.SmilesDo you have kids, Laurel?

Laurel

A smile, genuine and a little rueful.No. We talked about it early, when talking about it still felt like planning instead of negotiating. Then it became the thing we didn't mention, and by the time I understood what that meant I'd decided it was probably better we hadn't. I'm not sad about it, mostly. Some mornings. Do you?

Reggie

No. We were both too selfish and hedonistic. And now I regret it like most people who don't.

Laurel

I've said something close to that to myself at two in the morning and never out loud, because it sounds like a complaint and it isn't quite, and it sounds like regret and it isn't quite that either. You made a reasonable choice with the information you had, and the information had an expiry date. So. No kids. Both of us. Does that change anything about the ramen place?

Reggie

No. But permit me a couple more questions so I don't waste your time. Do you smoke?

Laurel

A quick shake of the head.No. Never have. Are we doing a checklist, Reggie? For a man who just invited me to a condemned ramen place with a Bluetooth speaker, this is a very orderly approach.

Reggie

No, the real checklist comes later. This is just the true instant dealbreaker stuff. And honestly, we shouldn't waste each other's time if we don't pass this part. I'm sure you have your own questions that lead to instant disqualification and I'll be happy to answer them. But just a few more: any hard drugs in the last few years?

Laurel

Not offended; clocking it.No. Nothing harder than this, and whisky when the occasion calls for it. I'll allow the checklist on one condition: instant disqualification runs both ways. I have questions. Yours first.

Reggie

Absolutely it runs both ways. I'm ready for your questions when you have them. Just one more question, and it's not a dealbreaker, just a point of interest I want to know about. Tattoos?

Laurel

She glances at her arms as if consulting them.None. I thought about one at thirty-four, during what I generously called a creative phase. I sat in the chair, looked at the stencil on my wrist, thought, I'd have to look at that every day for the rest of my life, and got up and left. The artist was gracious. My pride was not. Is that interest because you have them, or because you'd run if I did?

Reggie

I'd probably run, but am not honest enough with myself to admit that. Okay, your questions.

Laurel

She laughs.I appreciate the half-credit.She settles back, and the sharpness comes up behind the warmth: her turn, and she means to use it.First question, not a dealbreaker, just topology. The situationship, and yes I know the word, don't make a face. How long ago is just ended? Because just covers a lot of ground, and I'd like to know if I'm the first dinner since, or there were a few you didn't ask back.

Reggie

The situationship ended a month ago. It lasted a year. It was just physical. We didn't particularly like each other but we were compatible that way. She ended it when she found someone she was serious about and we met one final time, kissed each other goodbye, and felt nothing. And I don't expect to ever talk to her again.

Laurel

She doesn't fill the silence right away.A year is a long time to feel nothing at the end of. Most people would dress that up sadder than it was. A month is recent enough that I'd normally ask whether I'm the rebound, except you've spent the evening telling me not to get ahead of myself. I still want to ask it.

Reggie

You can't be a rebound from something like that. She was a workout partner except we got naked and had orgasms. But I've been meeting a girl for coffee. She's married. It may or may not go anywhere. It hasn't so far. If it does, it will be the traditional kind, unethical non-monogamy.

Laurel

You're meeting a married woman for coffee that may or may not go anywhere, and you've decided to tell me on a second date. Is that the checklist talking, or are you handing someone an exit again, right before they get close enough to matter?

Reggie

I'm handing you the truth and letting the chips fall where they may. You'll find I do that a lot. If you walk, you walk. If you talk, you talk. But you'll find there's very little strategy, lies or drama around me.

Laurel

She believes him, and that's the problem.Every man I've dated since my divorce had a strategy. Especially the ones who said they didn't. You're telling me there's a married woman and a situationship a month cold, you still have no heading to offer me, and somehow none of it is strategy. It's inventory. So. Is she going to be a problem, or the kind of maybe that stays a maybe?

Reggie

Her husband stopped touching her years ago. And neither of us is in a good moral position to judge her for considering her options.

Laurel

She looks at the marina lights, not at him.Her husband stopped touching her. So she's available enough to matter and not so far gone that it costs you anything yet. I'm not judging her. I'm not judging you. But you want to go slowly, you don't know what direction we're heading, and there's a woman somewhere whose husband doesn't see her anymore, and you're seeing her. That's not a maybe that stays a maybe, or you wouldn't have told me tonight. So which of us is the something you're not sure about, and which is the exit you're keeping warm?

Reggie

I don't know. That's the straight response. I'm not sure of either of you, and I'm not handing either of you exits. You're adults. You can walk any time you want. I'm showing you enough respect to tell you the truth about everything that's in play. And then you can decide what to do with it, exit or otherwise. But I can tell you this. I don't know where the married woman story ends, but it doesn't end with me replacing her husband. I don't want the job and she doesn't want to try someone new in that role. It might end up with her replacing the situationship. I'm not sure. But she doesn't want to blow up her life, and I don't want to blow up her life.

Laurel

She listens to all of it, then laughs, short and quiet, at herself.She doesn't want to blow up her life and you don't want to blow up her life. That's a very tidy arrangement for two people who haven't arranged anything. I'm not walking, Reggie. But I'm not going to pretend a married woman who might replace the situationship is just weather. So I'm going to keep the truth you've handed me, all of it, and show up at the condemned ramen place when you tell me to, and be a grown woman about the rest. Because the alternative is a clean conscience and an extremely boring drive home, and I have always found boring unforgivable.

Reggie

Thursday night? 5 pm at the Ramen place. Right across from Tim's on City Parkway. We eat, we hop the train for one stop to King George Station, dance in the park, hop the train back and go to Dominion for drinks. And if whitegirl can dance, I'll buy you dessert at Dominion.

Laurel

You went from no assurances and no heading to a full itinerary with a performance clause in about thirty seconds. I'm choosing to find that encouraging rather than suspicious. I'll be there. And I'm not worried about the dessert.